Family insists on calling 34-year-old doctor "Mrs. [Spouse's first name and last name]": 'My mother insists'

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Remy Millisky • Writer and Editor
Mar 1, 2025 11:00 AM EST

Some traditions last forever, while others age out over time. There may be good reasons that not every tradition lasts forever! 

One area you see traditions being replaced all the time is in wedding culture. Some couples change any part in wedding vows that reference obedience to your partner or "serving" your spouse. Why? Because it's outdated, and it makes the vows feel unequal. Other people have stopped doing that tacky garter toss (thank goodness!), and some couples shy away from taking their spouse's last name. Instead, they'll hyphenate the names, or just keep the last name they were born with. 

This woman is dealing with an awkward situation with her parents, who are insisting on doing that weird thing of calling a woman by her husband's name. Instead of saying "This is Susan Brown, she's married to John," they're saying, "This is Mrs. John Brown." So, several questions here. First of all, why? Second of all, this doesn't actually tell her name to anyone, so why bother? If you're introducing a couple, don't you still want to know the names of both people? These parents are acting like it's a courtship rite from like, the 1400s or something. And third of all, why won't these parents just stop introducing her that way, since their daughter is clearly uncomfortable with it all? 

Check out the full story below, including the helpful suggestions from commenters. Then, read the story of the playground that closed "indefinitely" after someone poured gallons of motor oil on the equipment, infuriating the locals: "There is literally 0 benefit to doing this." 

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  • 01
    'My mother insists because I'm not a real doctor... I must assume my spouse's identity'
    via Federica Giacomazzi for Unsplash+

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 02
    Family insists on addressing me as "Mrs. [spouse's first and last name]", because I'm not a physician
    via u/Sarita1046
  • 03
    My [34, F] father is a medical doctor, mother doesn't work and has never felt she had to or desired a career. I work in cybersecurity, have a master's degree, am pursuing a PhD, and have written several books/produced several films. As I had my maiden name on all of these (enrollment and future diploma name, in the case of the in-progress PhD) before marrying, I did not take my spouse's surname.
    via u/Sarita1046
  • 04
    ...yet my mother insists because I'm not a doctor (and will never be a "real" doctor, according to her elitist logic that even dentists and PhDs aren't real doctors), I must completely assume my male spouse's identity. Even when trying to persuade my in-laws that I was "worth it", her only reasoning was "Her father's a physician!"
    via u/Sarita1046
  • 05
    I don't vibe with "Mrs. [husband's first and last name]". I can't stand this notion that excessive education and certain super- hard-to-obtain professions are the only things that make a person worth it. No woman or person of any background should have their identity completely absorbed into someone else's.
    via u/Sarita1046
  • 06
    **Edit: Since many are misinterpreting this post, editing to clarify - I'm not expecting to ever be called Dr., even after I earn the PhD, and I am well aware that I don't yet have a doctorate of any sort. The issue is not wanting to be defined solely by my husband's first and last name. Just call me by my first name, same as always.
    via u/Sarita1046
  • 07
    Dugley2352 And finish with.... "... she's my birth mother." Or separate them, "this is Dr X, and his wife Edna. She's my birth mother." Separate them with malicious purpose.
    via u/Dugley2352
  • 08
    Heshkelgaii Quit using the titles and simply call them by their first names, especially during introductions. "Ah and this is Steven and Melissa Cartwright. Steven is a Doctor of Medicine and Melissa is his wife. Oh yes they are my biological parents, Dr? No I've been taught that title is largely
    via u/Heshkelgaii
  • 09
    meaningless so I don't tend to use it, though it does seem and feel kind of r de. No no, Melissa made sure to let me know the title Doctor meant almost nothing, she had some kind of reasoning, but me I'm a little slow according to her so it must not have got lodged in there in the ole' skull."
    via u/Heshkelgaii
  • 10
    Be excessively happy and animated otherwise, if people think you've lost your mind then you're doing it right.
    via u/Heshkelgaii
  • 11
    curie2353 Sounds like your mom harbours a lot of internal insecurity regarding not amounting to anything outside of being a SAHM and a housewife, so she attaches herself to her husband because in her mind he was able to achieve his title of a doctor because she was there supporting him throughout his career
    via u/curie2353
  • 12
    and raising a family. Which is probably true but she's going about it in an, again, insecure and sad way. There's nothing you did wrong and probably nothing you can do to change her at this point.
    via u/curie2353
  • 13
    FlyMeToUranus This practice needs to di with the century it crawled out of. We are people with our own names and it's not hard to use them.
    via u/FlyMeToUranus
  • 14
    Extreme-Winter... This happened to my mom back in the 60's (in the U.S.). After she married, she started getting introduced as "Mrs [husband's first and last name]." She didn't tolerate that bulls then, and you shouldn't now.
    via u/Extreme-Winter-9739
  • 15
    Your mom doesn't respect you and is clearly undeserving of your respect. People have gone no- contact for less.
    via u/Extreme-Winter-9739
  • 16
    hogliterature hearing how they discouraged you in your youth, this seems like some weird power trip thing where they're trying to feel superior and make you feel insufficient. i get the feeling that nothing you do will ever be enough for them because they don't want to be proud of you, they want to feel like they're better than you
    via u/hogliterature

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family drama aita mother doctor family feud family doctors daughter Father
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